Haven't done anything today

(still waiting for your corrections on how I read your feedback)
Not working (for the piece)***
It's true. I haven't done any work today.
I went to the studio only late in the evening. The space was different. People had moved the furniture. It seemed very tidy and clean. Nothing to do with me. It seemed fiendish welcoming. I wanted to leave. I convinced myself to stay at least 1 hour in side the studio. I did. I thought that my laziness would chill out and I would start being creative with it.
It didnt happen. I took some pictures of the space. I didn't want to work.
I knew what I had to do. I just didn't want to do it. I saw the boxes with all my material inside. I opened them to check out if everything is inside. Everything ok.
I didnt work today. My spirit needs to calm down from the feedback. Although I know where I have to head to, I am not sure whether I really do know the importance of it. I give to myself the excuse that I need to digest. Well, of course I do. It's not an excuse.

I can't work. I feel that the things I need to do now are small and tedious. I don't feel ready yet. I need some time away. I don't have the time. Where do I find the time? How do I manage it?
There must be a good strategy for people in my situation and I am sure some of you must have felt like that before.
So... what should I do???? How can I put myself back to work ? Here is what I've thought

Solution No. 1
I can cry and cry all day. Thinking I can't
Solution No. 2
Whenever I feel I can't work, I should watch a video of a performance lecture and keep notes.
Solution No. 3
Read again the feedback notes. Try to find steps on how to solve the problems.
Solution No. 4
Skip the work and go for a drink.
Solution No. 5
Something else you can suggest me ????

*** I was working though in the library for another module I have in shitty Laban called Creative Strategies, and I think this will take lots of my concentration this week. This is not necessarily bad because I am doing work and I am creative, but, still, I can't focus on the "pain of others" and it makes me angry. Here is a pic i took in the library while studying:

Pic. 1 The raw material

Experimenting with photographic Composition
While taking this first picture, I realized it needed a bit of composition to make it look more beautiful. And thinking of my lecture when I discuss about such photographers as Alexander Gardner and Timothy O'Sullivan who would drag the dead soldiers bodies to certain places so that their pictures look more interesting, I decided to experiment on what composition really means. How does it function? Just an empirical approach from an amateur, nothing academic.
Here are some of the results.

Pic 2. Changing the perspective

Pic 3. Changing the objects

Pic 4. Chaning the perspective again

Results of my little experimentation: Photographic composition is really fascinating. It has many similarities with dance composition but since it's a new field to me it feels amazing. The results are strong. I should experiment more on that.

Still Processing

(still waiting for your corrections on how i read your feedback)
Aaron has seen the videos of the presentation day and he sent me a very sharp (sometimes pleasurably painful) email. What I will do again is split it up in thematics and then asnwer my four question. So here I go:

1. Regarding the text

• What did I do? How did it function?
  

I show as if I have no ownership, I dont show confident so that the audience can believe in me. When I read text he thinks I am an academic lecturer.

• What should I do?
  

I should detach myself from the original text of Sontag. Some questions to consider: where do you pause? for how long? What word do you hit? What is a question? I need to own the text and the language. He suggests that I should study more books on the topic to widen my knowledge and strengthen my base and confidence.

• How am I thinking of going further?

Well as I have already said, yes the text was crap. I need to work on it. Probably through the means of improvisation. I am also going study a bit more two more articles I have on war photography. Keeping some quotations from people is not a bad suggestion, I could have them next to me and read them aloud if it comes on the course of my improvisation. After getting comfortable with the improvisation of the text, and slowly slowly building up a certain structure, coming up from the repetition of certain pathways, I should consider questions of emphasis and pause (but I should wait a bit on that... it sounds TOO advanced for now).

2. Regarding the self reflective convention of a performance lecture

• How does it function?
  

He thinks that I haven't been clear enough when separating the lecture with the solo performance that has happened some time in the past. He thinks that the excerpts I am showing from the solo during the lecture were not enough.

• What should I do ?

I should not use future tense as a means of talking about the past because it is confusing. I could ask the audience if they have seen my solo. He would like to see more excerpts from the solo performance that has "happened". He wants to know clearly his position/function in the setup.

• How am I thinking of going further?

The distortion of the position of the audience is something that really interests me. I am pretty happy Aaron is upset with that. I am questioning now whether there lies something in there that I should try to pick up and that is helpful to make my point clearer. I think yes. That is the correct use of grammar (I am sorry my english that day was very very very bad, probably bcause of the intrusion). And I should state maybe more often my position in this lecture. I am a choreographer that has made something in the past and here is my thoughts/theories behind it.

3. Sound

• How did it function?
  

He found the music modulation in the pigheaded image very strong (unsure why). He got less interested though when he saw me changing the programs of the apparatus during the showing of photos, because he understood all the magic.

• What should I do?
  

I should change the programs of the FX before people can hear them, so that they are less obvious.

• How am I thinking of going futher?

Well my idea is to link each photo with a specific noise. Either the war alarm or the wind etc. I need to rehearse more. I should definitely be faster in changing the program. I should never change a program when sound is produced. Only when no sound is produced I can change the program.

4. Nudity

• How did it function?
  

He is questioning whether nudity is a part of my aesthetic, he was not convinced about its usage.

• What should I do ?

No suggestion, but I think he wants me to think more whether I need to be nude or not.

• How am I thinking of going further?

I am quite sure that I want to deliver the work nude. It's not an aesthetic choice so much as a part of (a) revealing the truth, (b) blurring the boundaries between the "previous performance" and the today's lecture, and (c) referring to other performance lectures (Schneemann). If these points are not clear enough, maybe I should make them clear to the audience. On the other hand, I am not sure I want to explain everything to the audience. Maybe that's what Aaron means, find the boundaries between explaining my intentions or nor explaining at all.

• What did Aaron actually say?

Initally I had thought of putting all Aaron's email but it's 2 pages and it was too big. If someone wants the original though I can certainly send it back to you guyz. For reasons of brievity (does that exist???). Not censorship. He is indeed very strict, and sometimes painful, but... it's the pain of the others, not mine. :) Thanx Aaron

Kate Bush Fan Club in Laban
Anita and I are thinking of opening a Kate Bush Fan Club in Laban. All current or ex students, teachers, visitors, haters or admirers of Laban School you are free to join us. For our opening ceremony I suggest we all dance "Wuthering Heights" in group formations. Waiting for your membership. It's free and fun :)